Last November I ran into the department store searching for something that would make my kids’ day. We had just missed thanksgiving with family, due to a stomach bug and they needed something. It wasn’t a toy, a special food, or even a great surprise; it was a Christmas tree. At the time we lived in a very small house; this house had no storage and no garage. Our living room could not handle the addition of a Christmas tree, but I was determined. The year previous there was no tree. I was looking forward to the excitement my girls would have when they saw it and had a chance to decorate it. So I bought one… Three foot tall.  I picked up small colored decorations on my way out and I was set. The joy was filling my heart… I found a way for my kids to have a Christmas tree. It was a hit. The girls loved it. They made no mention of the size, or the fact that we only had balls on it. They sat in wonder that night as the lights flashed and thought about Christmas. We had talked extensively about who Jesus was and how we celebrate that He came to earth to die for us. The girls would talk about the light of the world everyday. The simple tree sat into December; loved. 

Mid-December we did what a lot of people did; attended a lot of holiday parties. One particular party had a room full of people I knew on the surface. Although, I had known them a couple of years our relationship was not deep. I wanted desperately to connect to other women who loved the Lord and loved to minister to others. I was in a room full of them and so excited about growing in friendship with them. I never would have thought I would leave that night feeling like I did. Sitting expectantly waiting for that piece of connection the discussion about Christmas trees came up. About decorating and being festive, opening up your home to others and treating them well. Something started where we went around and kind of shared about our Christmas trees. Lady after lady shared how big they were, what they put on them, and some even how many they had around the house; 15 being the highest count. I sat there feeling a little isolated and alone. It was not that these ladies were materialistic or even that they would have had any idea how this was coming to me. Before it came to my turn I departed to the kitchen for coffee, headed to the bathroom; pulled up my boot straps and went back out never saying anything about my tree. I couldn’t even joke about it; that’s not me. Suddenly my small home felt inadequate. It was too small for guests. If I said how little my tree was my expectation was either pity from those that knew my space limit or judgment from those that didn’t. Unfortunately, for the first time in my life I suddenly felt comparison chocking me.  These ladies were all parts of ministries, they were all wives, some were mothers. They all loved the Lord. here I am thinking a Christmas Tree is something to be ashamed of. I hid it for days; The feeling. I’m not mom enough, I’m not wife enough; Our mission was too small and we were insignificant.  I couldn’t have people in my home. The Christmas tree became a reminder of how I wasn’t enough. I wanted to throw the thing away. It took a lot of truth covering to get through that in two weeks before Christmas. 

Living differently, means we look at God’s concerns and not people’s. We can miss what God is doing in ordinary things if we stay focused on peoples concerns. Don’t loose vision or you will loose heart.

 My daughter received an interesting gift at preschool for Christmas. A red snowflake. I never saw one before. I loved Christmas trees decorated in red. It didn’t make it on the tree last year and I didn’t think too much about it. That red snowflake some how ended up in the three foot Christmas tree box. Yes I kept the three foot tree. This past year our family moved out of a ministry we loved and out of what had been our home; I wanted my kids to have a great Christmas. It seemed even more difficult this year. With most of our possessions in storage, living in a borrowed basement, and having no idea what was next; I stumbled upon the three foot tree. I decided it had to go up. The kids needed something to feel special, they wanted to go home. I found a box of colorful balls and brought into the living room a couple weeks ago. As we pulled out the pieces my 2 year old asked why there was a red snowflake. This is what came out of my mouth….

You know something interesting about snow flakes; each one is made a little different from the others. No two snowflakes are the same. God made people unique like snow flakes, none of us are the same. You know snow flakes are white. Well this snowflake is red for a very special reason. Why do we celebrate Christmas? 

“Because God sent Jesus to earth so He could die for our sins.” says the six year old.

Yes. Exactly. It was God’s plan from the beginning for people to have a relationship with Him. People sinned and now are separated from God. When Jesus died for us He made a way for us to truly live and be with God again. So every time you see a snow flake think, we wouldn’t be white as God planned if it wasn’t for Jesus. So when you see the red snowflake you will remember God sent Jesus to make a way for every other person to be pure. To be like a snowflake.

“oh that needs to stay on our tree mommy.” Yes, Yes it does. 

In the past several months a lot has changed and a lot has been on my mind.  Not being in our own home, only being able to afford to buy a few things for the kids for Christmas. Trying to navigate lack of income, getting insurance, and struggling in homeschool. The night before the tree, I sat in my bed crying. I felt like I wasn’t enough, that everything really hurt. It felt like no matter how many efforts I made, I could not fix anything.  I felt like things had happened out of my control and now I had no clue how our future would look. I had to let go of my dependence of what was or what the initial vision was. Finding the three foot tree changed my mind. I don’t know that I will ever forget about this tree now. 

In all the questions and the wonder of what life would look like for us, God was using it to shape my heart. Over the last couple weeks all I can chew on is Christmas… Not Christmas today, but the first one. God sent Jesus to an ordinary couple in unexpected circumstances. God sent His plan, His miracle, to a couple in borrowed space. In borrowed space that seems just wrong for the Son of God to be born in. He was born in the seemly bad circumstance. They were visited by people who were not considered elite, in fact they were the lowest. Mary and Joseph then followed God’s command and moved to a foreign land. They didn’t know what God had next or when they would be back home. They had to walk every day in faith that their messiah son would rule and reign… someday.  God had promised deliverance and He would bring it right. As I sat for days and considered them; I started to see things differently. They held redemption in their arms in a situation that made no sense.

Today I hold redemption in my heart and even though my current situation makes no sense; it makes perfect sense. God is doing a huge work in my heart, in my husbands heart, in my girls. I don’t know what it looks like yet, I may not know at any given step. We haven’t failed because we are in borrowed space with a lack of clarity of what’s next. Just because we are not in a church, published books, or are still in a ministry position; doesn’t make God’s call less significant on our lives. I don’t have to fear strongly what my future looks like, He knows. He has big plans of this I have every hope. In the time of cave/basement dwelling He has renewed us with a three foot tree. Ordinary and small…. It reminds me that all that matters is the red snowflake. GOD BROUGHT REDEMPTION TO MAN…. That redemption is in my heart, works in my head, and God asked us to live it out so others see His big plan. I am a white snow flake sitting on a three foot basement tree of beauty, pointing to a red snowflake… I can’t keep focused on despair, hurt, or the toughness of my situation but instead focus on who He is, what He had done, what He is doing, and the hope in what He will do.  This time I have every reason of man to despair, but I know the Lord gives me every reason to press in to hope. It won’t be easy and I won’t always understand, but God will do what He does. Redeem people, renew people…. He is just using the small to make that happen.

Living differently, means we look at God’s concerns and not people’s. We can miss what God is doing in ordinary things if we stay focused on people’s concerns. Don’t loose vision or you will loose heart. Don’t loose vision of His call to redemption and renewal to all people. The Red snowflake is all that matters.