Moses was done, finished, ended. He had too much. Yes, God came to him and gave him a God-sized task/call. He promised Moses He would be with him and that He would move His people out of the hand of Pharaoh. He was the God who created the world, lead Abraham, and called out Jacob to lead His nation. This same God was with Moses, faithful and true, almighty and life giving; but Moses had hit the bell. “Ding I am done.” He took the plunge and went to pharaoh as God had commanded; but Pharaoh did not respond well; he didn’t just say “Ok I’ll let my slaves go.” Nope instead he reigned them in and said “you think your special, I think your lazy, no more breaks to worship your God>>> Here is more work than you can do.”

The people felt the wrath of threatening leadership, it hurt, and Moses had to be to blame. If Moses hadn’t talked to Pharoah none of this would be happening. They came to Moses and told him it was his fault for going to Pharaoh in the first place. Moses then stood up to them and said “remember who our God is and what He is could be working..” Nope, that’s not what he did. He went to God and said “You shouldn’t have sent me, the people hate me and You haven’t even moved in the way You said You would. Why did you send me?” God reminded him who He was and that He was behind Moses in strength and might. “But how on earth will Pharoah submit when the people don’t even like me?”

God’s Response: “WHO AM I MOSES…. What did I ask of you…. Wait and see what I will do….”.

In times where I loose sight of who He is and who He made me to be, I loose out on the amazing things He will do. I become self aborbed and narrow minded, I ring the bell because I am done. Living Differently means that I don’t loose who I am when my tail falls off. Living Differently means I trust Him to complete all He said about His people, His will, and His creation/renewal in me. I am a blue tailed skink.

When my husband and I were daitng we would love to spend time together exploring the outdoors. We still love that and when we lived outside of the city we were always out in the woods. One such walk lead me to a new discovery.  I almost stepped on it when stepping off the rock we were climbing on. At first glance looked like the weirdest snake I had seen. It freaked me out (I hate snakes); black, yellow stripes and a bright blue tail… Then when I looked again to determine how scared I should be… Not a snake, it had legs…. a lizard. Deep breath… “What is that? Its cool, but it freaked me out”. I said to my outdoorsy date. “It’s a blue tailed skink. They are harmless. But you don’t want to freak him out… his tail will fall off.”Although, my husband likes to play jokes on me, this was real.

Blue Tailed Skinks are beautiful in the land of lizards, snakes, and creepy things on the ground. They are dark black or brown with yellow stripes coming from their head and down their back; meeting the tail where the yellow turns into a bright blue streak. Not only are their blue tails beautiful and unique, but they serve a whole other purpose…. To save their lives. When the skink is threatened, trapped, or caught by a predator it can actually pop off its tail and run off while the tail wiggles and keeps the attention of the predator. Not only does it make them slightly more appealing to look at, this adaptation makes them really cool too.  Myfirst encountered, I was in shock and awe; thinking that the hilly billy was pulling my leg because I was from the city. I’m glad it was true. The image of these weird reptile has been in my mind for years not knowing why…. Until God showed me why these little guys were so fascinating to me.

I sat on the bench ready to wave my white flag and say I am done. Ding. I knew that God had called me to minister to people outside of a normal box. I knew that He had a huge plan. But I was under so much pressure. Things were not going the way I had pictured. I knew what God had said about situations around me and the end of things, but I made a lot of assumptions on how that would happen. Things were getting worse and not better. I wish I could say my response at the time was one of bold resilience. It wasn’t. I was Moses. I sat there questioning what He was up to, everything was so messy and it seemed it would continue to escalate before it was better. I didn’t want to keep going through that escalation. Others had already come to me and asked me how I was doing, what I was going to do to fix this or that, and why things looked like they did. I was questioning why God would have picked me, I didn’t have to be involved, and it felt like there was no good way out of this. I had to do what He called me to do, but it seemed like it would fail and my situation would hurt people I loved and my heart as well.

Sitting there frustrated, angry, broken and crying I asked the same questions Moses did. “Why? What are You doing? Why me? and Can I please just walk away.” I listened and the ringing of my bell was so loud all I could do was fill my head with scripture.  God lead me to the passage in Isaiah that has become the theme of motivational posters. “How on earth could I soar like an Eagle when it hurt this bad?”  He answered… And not in the way I thought he would. Reading Chapter after chapter following I got it.  “You are my servant, I have chosen you and not cast you off.” ….. TO DIE HERE…. I heard it as I read…

“Did you get that I didn’t bring you here to die….’Do not fear I am with you.; Do not be afraid; I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold you with my righteous right hand…’DO YOU HEAR ME? I am the creator of the whole earth, I never grow weary and there is no limit to how I understand. SO HEAR ME NOW… I am not done working. You cannot see what I am doing, but you know who I AM and that I will not go back on my word. I have called you to love people, to be a reflection of me. I created you in a certain way, like no one else, not so you would be cool; but so my story would be heard in you… LIVE IT…. I didn’t bring you here to die and I will do great things; just watch me work.”

Within months of the bench my preveribal tail came off. In one full swoop everything changed… What just happend???  The job, the ministry, the home would all be gone in a matter of days. Unexpectedly everything changed and I stood there looking back and saying “who I am is going to be gone. My tail was gone… the pieces I was clinging to as signs of who I was and where God would work were suddenly all gone.” I freaked out. I spent days not eating, crying, and praying all night. I was sick. I barely functioned as a person, but I had to keep going. In the back of my brain I kept hearing… ” I choose you. I didn’t bring you here to DIE.” I knew underneath everything I needed to cling to truth, but the lies were so strong in my head… God reminded me…”You are a blue tailed skink”He said…. What??

In times where I loose sight of who He is and who He made me to be, I loose out on the amazing things He will do. I become self aborbed and narrow minded, I ring the bell because I am done. Living Differently means that I don’t loose who I am when my tail falls off. Living Differently means I trust Him to complete all He said about His people, His will, and His creation/renewal in me. I am a blue tailed skink.

I AM STILL ALIVE. My tail is not who I am. It comes off so that I can move,breath and go in the direction I was called. I wasn’t called to a job title. no specific ministry would hold how God wanted to use me. My security of home and in my own version of identity were not what I lived for. I live as anawesome beautiful creature, even after what I think I am named for fell off. I was called to love people and be a reflection of Him. He said “Who do you think I AM? I’ve got this.” Oh Lord, how did I not recognize how powerful You are. How did I miss that what people think, how I feel and my perspective aren’t whats pulling the show. Everyone may be seeing the tail wiggle but you say I am who You created me to be.  Help me look beyond my own little perspective and remember You are good. You are my freedom. You are my only hope… And the best one to put my hope in. You are the everlasting God, the creator of the whole world. You never grow faint or weary; there is no limit to your understanding… You are the one who has delievered Israel. You are the one who parted seas, shamed false prophets, and did things seemingly impossible. All powerful, All knowing, everywhere all the time. You keep every promise. You move in ways we don’t understand… And in the middle of that you picked me…. You made me this blue tailed skink. No fear, no situation changes who I am. Even when my tail falls off You are still You.

Today my tail may be slowly growing. This time it is rooted in something more. This time it is in who HE is and not the situation, the ministry, the life around me. He made me to be a reflection of Him, to live and breathe His story. I cannot give up if He hasn’t. I trust Him. Even in situations that feel hopeless. Where my white flag was waved but then trappled by elephants, I can still stand. He is all I can stand on. Today my heart is full. I know He has good planned. I know He has left me on this planet not to die but to live.

Hear well… He has left you here to live and not die. I am not talking about physical death… No I am talking Spiritual life. Really knowing who you are…Really knowing Him and clinging to everything He brings.

Living Differently means that I don’t loose who I am when my tail falls off. Living Differently means I trust Him to complete all He said about His people, His will, and His creation/renewal in me. I am a blue tailed skink. The story of His victory remains outside of my tail.